I still find myself holding back what’s mine, holding tightly. See, I’ve built myself a pretty good world. Nice middle class home, husband, 3 kids, 2 cars, a good job, part of a great church, made up of people whose lives look awfully similar to mine.
(If you missed part 1, you can find it here)
But then I feel the Holy Spirit moving, I hear Him crying louder, moving stronger:
Come deeper. Come closer.
And I am certain that there is something that He wants to do in His people, in THIS people, that He could not do before. The world is getting darker, and the stakes are getting higher. I don’t know why or what it means, and to be honest, the why doesn’t really matter. What matters is that when He calls, we come. He’ll take care of the outcome.
It is a call that requires a “Yes Lord. Anything. Absolute surrender. You have my heart.”
But then I find myself filled with terror. What might He ask me to do? What if He wants me to have 10 more children? Or worse, what if it takes away one of the ones that I love? And I find myself sobbing, torn between wanting to give Him everything and this terror that if I offer it He will take it, leaving me nothing for myself.
And then I hear the words “James 4:7”. I quickly turn to read “submit yourself to God, resist the devil and he will flee.”
And I realize it is one big lie.
That it’s mine in the first place and that I should fear what He will “do” to me. As if He can’t be trusted with my life.
I see images of my daughter from the day before, offering me her favorite toy “to keep”. I would never have taken it from her, but as a mother, I loved just the fact that she offered it to me in the first place.
So finally I say the words, writing my own love song to the King, maybe not quite so long or as poetic as Psalm 45, but heartfelt just the same. Just three words, yet sure that I mean them:
“Yes Lord. Anything.”
And in those three simple words, I find the answer. I can’t make myself righteous or worth of the King. I can’t fix me, I can’t master sin. That’s His job! But still I can respond to that love by giving Him my whole heart, by saying and living out:
“Yes Lord, Anything. Absolute Surrender. You have my heart.”
And suddenly I am free.
If you’ve ever wanted to pray the “Yes Lord, Anything” prayer and don’t know where to start, feel free to drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org Have a blessed Easter!
Seek peace and pursue it. Psalm 34:14b