So how does one truly become righteous? Not like a self-righteous, Pharisee (I don’t need help with that one!) But truly righteous in the eyes of God?
(If you missed part 1, you can catch it here You Have My Heart)
I was recently reading a book called Becoming Myself,
“The voice of shame says I hate me; I need to get rid of me.
The voice of discipline says I’ve got to fix me; because me is not good.
God says I love you; let me restore you.”
And that is paradox of change. Surrendering to God then letting him restore you. HIM.
“He saved us not because of any works of righteousness that we had done, but because of His own pity and mercy, by the cleansing bath of the new birth and renewing of the Holy Spirit” Titus 3:5 .
Did you catch that? Not because of any works of righteous that we have done. It’s not about me. Not about what I do. What I accomplish. All the wonderful improvements that I’ve made in myself after reading 5,000 self-help books.
But still there is imperfect me. And I desperately just want to be like Elsa in Frozen, and let it go, conceal, don’t feel, build myself some beautiful ice castles of isolation, and pretend that the sin doesn’t bother me anyway.
It’s just that darn self that has to have its say and do what it wants! Just last week, I was beating myself up as I drove home from work. I had gone and said something I shouldn’t – again. And I was thinking, “Really? You are 38 years old; you grew up in church. You’ve even devoted years of your life to studying the battlefield of the mind, and yet, you cannot go even one day without saying something you shouldn’t. What is wrong with you?”
And then I realized, what I wanted was to “master sin”. I wanted to conquer this once and for all!
And of course, I realize at once how dumb that sounds. But just as you cannot run from it, you also cannot “will” yourself free from its grips. There is no power that can expel sin except the power of the presence of Jesus Himself.
And then I see the beauty of this Psalm 45. I can’t make myself righteous, or worthy of the bridegroom. I can’t fix me, or master sin. But still He loves me – and that is everything.
But yet I feel like there is something else, something more that He wants to show me. And so I keep crying out to God for His mercy.