An overwhelming fear came upon me as I contemplated my future finances. At the time we had two lovely children with one on the way. Did I mention that I am the sole breadwinner in our family?
I interviewed for a job on a Friday, found out I was pregnant on Sunday and got the job offer on Monday! It was abundently clear that it was time to leave my old job. However, at my old job, between my years of seniority and great insurance policies; a three month maternity would have been nothing but a blip to my finances. At the new job, a pre-existing condition clause excluded me from short-term disability, health insurance was much more costly, and I had less than half the vacation time.
I dutifully made my spreadsheet, checked it once – twice – three times. Final calculations showed that with the increased salary, we should be able to increase our savings enough for me to take a maternity leave. I jumped in and took the job.
No need to worry.
No matter how much I told worry to leave me alone, it kept coming back. 6 months before the due date I found myself overcome with FEAR, almost in a PANIC, wondering if I did the right thing. Sure, I was not happy at my old job – but it was stable.
The very next evening I ran into a former co-worker; who caught me up on the latest drama at the old job. Within minutes why I left came rushing back to me.
Why did I doubt for even a moment?
A few days later I came across this scripture: “Overhearing but ignoring what they said, Jesus said to the ruler of the synagogue, ‘Do not be seized with alarm and struck with fear; only keep on believing’ ” Mark 5:26.
Wow! Can I just say wow! When Satan puts thoughts of worry, alarm, and fear in my mind, I cannot help that I overhear those things, but I CAN choose to IGNORE them.
I do not have to dwell on those thoughts, and make them my own…I can IGNORE them.
When God told me that He would take care of me and my family, and that he would provide for me in surplus, I did not have to worry, I could choose to BELIEVE Him. And so I did.
I choose to remember. I choose to ignore. I choose to keep on believing.
Everytime I would start to worry; I would recite that scripture over and over, until the worry was gone. I would remind myself of the promises of God. Slowly, over a few weeks, I noticed that the fear, the worry, the doubt – they were all gone.
“Seek peace and pursue it” Psalm 34:14b
…just for the record, God provided for us and I was able to take a full three month maternity leave!