I had too many things that I needed to get done that Saturday in March. None of them got done. But God used that day to change my life and start me on a journey towards PEACE.
I was 27 weeks pregnant with my second child, vividly aware that I had been placed on bed-rest at 28 weeks with my first. That time in my life had been some of my darkest days, and I was terrified that I would be sent back to that dark place.
But rather than work on my lengthy “to do” list that day, instead I went to a Women’s Day. While there, I spent some time meditating on the following scripture:
“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12: 7-10).
I certainly had a thorn in the flesh and it was really tormenting me! But to ONLY ask the Lord to take it away THREE times? How did Paul do that? I was more like the persistent widow (see Luke 18:1-8). I do not think I could ask three times and then be satisfied if the answer was not something I liked. But that is what makes it trust.
However, the part of the scripture I most did not understand was this phrase: “I will boast in weakness”. Who does that? Certainly not me! I like to hide my weaknesses until I have worked through them, solved them, tied them up with a nice little bow, and THEN (and only then) I can share about how I overcame them. I certainly would never voluntarily boast about my weaknesses. But part of the reason I had a such hard time with my first pregnancy was because I did not want anyone to know that I could not handle the isolation, that I was incapable of cleaning my house or cooking my own meals. But my journey would have been easier if I had admitted my inability to handle my pregnancy problems and had allowed others to come along side me.
When I am strong, I forget how much I need God. When I am weak, I more readily realize how utterly dependant I am upon God. But it is only when I realize my dependence on Him that He is able to move in my life in POWER.
There was nothing I could do to change my circumstances except to trust in God and let HIS grace be enough for me. That day I decided to follow the path of trust, and it gave me a PEACE like I had never before experienced. My pregnancy did not get easier, in fact, a week later I found out I had gestational diabetes. But inside, I had never been more at peace: “for when I am weak, then I am strong.”